I'm Very Very Angry!

2 things.. one is fren the other mum

no blogging abt my day.. but all i noe is tt i went to sch for project suppose to be at 8 in the end 9 no one's there.. so wait lor....

first SW.. choosing captain.. point me i was like of coz not.. and my fren was like let her be.. and pointing me... wad the hell...

first part.. 2nd part.. teachers ask any questions... i jus nice toking or was is asking my fren something... none of teacher's concern.. coz it has nothing gota be related to her thing she is doing... then my fren say i got question to ask.. and u noe wad he asking teacher... " he want to ask if GAYS can join?" i was like wad! it took me few seconds to analysis the question... and the teacher is trying to hard to salvage the suituition since the start of the choosing of the captain liao... they count count and say tt their group got 6 GALS 4 GUYS when in actual fact is 5 EACH!

i pity the teacher.. but I PITY MYSELF MORE.. can u believe ur pride is being thrown on the ground and stepped on and the world jus crush above it?? so wad if i act like one does tt mean i m??? i seriously wonder... if they are so idiotic ppl... a lion without pride can it be called a lion? suppose i'm not a lion to them then... i dunnoe wad my frens think.. but how can u jus hurt someone's pride like tt?? so y should i care abt u then u dun even noe wad u are toking...

it is now as if the whole class assume i'm one of those... they dunnoe wad's the real fact and wad's not... it will spread like wild fire through the 4 courses of ppl there today... they jus raise the suanning competition to a higher stage... the inter-course stage?? hu noes.. later they will promote the competition stage to inter sch... intra sch?? national regional world and global lastly universe?? it is not going to end... not at all... it is unstopable jus like time once gone it can never come back... so is is everyday getting worse.. and will jus not be stop... after reading this... they will temporary stop.. but after sometime things will go back.. once out of topic.. i'll suffer... once in the middle of a term the peck of the suanning comes.. it is seasonal... i wonder how long i can hold on... but i dun mind suanning on SMALL SCALE... if u make it big.. i'll make the consequence big too... but today the suanning jus went over board... coz u hurt my pride... tanish my reputation... and leave a scar tt will heal but still be there... the first earthquake of the year.. how many more to come i dunnoe... i think i should start to bare gruage... seems nice rite... when u bear gurages on others but dun even care abt wad u saying abt others?? izit tt nice?? i wonder how it feels like.. wadever it is my blood jus boils when it comes to this topic... jus like th incident on the band.. so dun remind me of it... u dun have a chance of explaining urself.. and everyone will assume u are one... tts wad's happening now... is hurting someone's pride so fun??? sometimes i jus regretted not studying hard enough for my PSLE.. for my Os is so i would be at least in a above average sec sch.. and a nice jc... and not in poly when u have to brains to study real hard which i did not nurture myself to be one... so i have got no chose but now to be stuck in poly... where can i go.. change course.. i think the DAE also pass liao... i missed my chance then.. cna i say tt???

nvm... my home is always a nice place to feel ur guard off... like take off ur shinning armor and rest comfortably... and thus a good palce to reflect... but somehow things dun seems to go my way... my mum is grumbling abt me again.. saying the uncle's son is studying coz he dun wan to work... he studying in a private sch... more than 3 years older than me... then she comment on his result.. his results are also not good... telling my sister.. jus like ur brother.. she obviously say tt for me to hear.. and of coz... i'll get angry.. is my results tt bad?? getting 2nd in the level not good enough?? is she referring to the old history of getting 199 for PSLE L1R5 of 21 for O levels tt make me not entitled to go into a jc?? and get into poly?? i did not work during the 1.5 mths break from after jc to poly is a sin? i did not work during my sem break a sin?? my sis also did not work last time... and w should u be working when after u study... u need to work for another 50 years be4 u retire?? u tell me y??? it is not as if i'm really in need of cash... though if i work i can get cash as a bonus aside from killing time...

if i'm so unwanted at home change a son lor... if i'm tt bad as a son to ur conditions... anyway u jus said all sons are jus plain lazy... so u go trade me for a daugther lor... i start to think now at home i also got no restof such things... so should i jus pack up and say i change home??? where i get better treatment?? my dad's working so hard overseas to support the family i noe tt... but so wad can i do.. work to earn 2 3 hundred and help the family let my studies suffer?? if tt 2 to 3 hundred is tt impt to u i'll go work... but if it izn't y should i?? at a young age u can learn things easily.. i can't go for piano lesson coz my dad and mum thinks it is not needed.. and it coz they feel tt it is not needed and ex.... but i wan it.. at my age.. i dun believe i cannot learn things already rite?? i rather spend my holidays learning new things.. rather than working experience.... which u'll aquire next time.. are u tell me politics?? sorry... in band is already very political... u have to care of ur image... u have to play well.. if not u are CONDAMNED... i read science books also being said... wasting time... wad else can i do to trainmy brain... do brain push up?? pull up... there are lots of things in the world u need to learn.. if i can.. i would have got my favorite piano skills long time ago... if i can i would already have an oboe skill tt's a lot better than now... but i do have limitations...

jus i now i dun feel belong in band.. can i change a "home" maybe like choir to get the "home-warmth"?? i can't they are still my parents... i can't jus change a home.. maybe i should jus be someone living in this world as a jus-another-guy-on-the-street.... but m i not already living like tt.. so wad else can i do??? if i'm tt bad a person.. tell me... and i'll take note... if u think i should change.. dun interfer... u maybe jus a factor tt make him goes bad... or the wrong way... if u really wanna noe wad happened?? u can't really tell from ur point of view... i agree.. but not ur point of view then hu's view?? u have external eyes tt not in ur body?? i kind of thing this phrase is not true anymore.. how u treat others is how others will treat u... when u are good they dun even give a damn... when u are bad.. they wi;; say how can u do tt... tts very wrong u noe.. and all tt comments... can i say these frens are skeptical???

i seriously wonder if i'm tt bad a fren tell me... if u are not one person hu always reflect on wad u did everyday... pls do from now... if u are someone hu dun even know wad u are toking... they u are expected to be treated the same and dun complain... coz u urself did it many times... if u wan to be treated better toking will not help... if can jus temporary change the problem... if u can't accept me as the way i m then dun be my fren.. and if u accepted... then dun complain.. it is u hu wanna be my fren...

so i think since ppl dun like the way i m now... if u ask me for help u come to me.. not i go to u.. u wan something from me ask from me.. dun call others ask... if u wan to suan me go ahead and bear the consequences... if u dun i my character tell me.. i'll tell u wad's wrong with ur character... if u have a problemwith tt... then too bad...

sometimes being ignorenant is a bliss i guess.. not knowing anything is better.. not getting into complicated world is best.. i fear the day i ahve to face the world.. but i'll face it with a wide smile.. will u?? i complain abt the sun.. fear insects so?? if i need to be under the sun no choice of coz i will.. but when there is a shelter of coz u'll b under the shelter rite... and singapore is so humid... of in higher up north... i dun mind the sun in the 3 other seasons execpt summer... i fear insects.. but coz if u hit it... u kill a life... if u dun u can;t expect me to take it by its wings then throw it outside... if u jus kill it like tt.. it is like showing tt an innocent person walking on the road and u jus kill it... unless it is not innocent... like croach... it is a nuance... it is only going to cause pollution dirtiness in ur hse of coz kill...

so all and all.. i would like to say... it is wad i think.. read and dun discuss abt it... it is very rude to gossip... i dun even gossip at all till now... coz things are going off hand.. if u are a contributor... u noe it urself... if i have a blog dun abuse it... if u do... sorry when i get to know it... i'll print everything out and del this blog and create a new one where i'll rite one sentence a day.... and is an extract from my physical diary then.. till i get one.. and i'll get one soon.. writing here is so horrible... no one read... of a few... others jus gossip abt it???

2 things and it cause me to flood my own blog.. nvm.. since u read it... u noe wad to do... humph... at least i got something off my chest.... tts y sometimes it is best to jus tok to the wall... lots of things should not be even known to others... lastly... so wad is u are considered rich... to wad extent... i can tell u i'm not rich at all.. does wad kind of hse reflect on the amount of $$ u have??? it is more like an asset fix... but the cash u have on hand to spend is totally different.. and pls dun always use $$$ to make me feel tt a rich is pressing a poor ok... everyone is the same... u are made of generally carbon nitrogen oxygen and hydrogen.. u burn me u burn others also the same... jus the amount of energy release and the length of the whole process of burning is different...

those are my thoughts... for the day.. can't believe so many things happened...

The Purity of Music