Tired

i need to tan more! Ya alot more. i need to exercise a lot. a lot. i need money a lot. a lot. so everything also a lot a lot then how?

today went running again. i think i'm really fat la need to slim down even more a lot a lot. i'm weak emotionally and physically so wad good m i? haiz.

new action plan start now. 1st quit choir totally and half my band.2nd i think should be studies la. 3rd exercise more need to pass nafa. 4th tan. coz everyone also say i very white. 5th find money! new life!! yeah.

but haiz very difficult to achieve. and i need a person to go tanning with me. so i need hmmmm to get few things. one my FYP grp. two a fren who will exercise and tan with me. lolx. three get a sugar mum wahaha. (like real) find ways to get more $$$.

I must be more independent. but i rather be dependent on ppl now. so i can get a lot of things. that was wad i thought last time and now it is like still the same thought. however, i dun think it is possible lor. look. when i wanted to get this thing he was like boy dun need we are around so what you wan can ask from us. in my heart i was thinking wad i wan you'll give? haiz. i have hugh doubts esp my mum. always saying i use a lot of $$$ ya i do need lots of $$$.

to sustain myself. so no point arguing with them sometimes. i'm only 19. i need lots of things. so now action plan's up. change things around. yupz~!

Went for facial just now so tired until the person dunnoe put wad on my face haiz. i was sleeping there la. o god. i think i need to exercise more. o and my mum just complained abt the number of clothes i change. i didn't change a lot really. according to her 2 day 6 pieces? i didn't have so many de lor. nvm la she say you listen.

my everything have to change! new tml and the action plan must start. exercise more for now. yeah.

Labels: Happy, Tired

The Purity of Music

HEY!

After a few days of being so so so down. I'm going back! Don't know how my rebounding skills will be like. Hope it is good! =)

It was yesterday that i'm sad. sometimes i think maybe becoz of the sun that's why. Went Sunning myself today. Lots of personal time. though think a lot today. sometimes life is a bliss when you dun have to worry about anything. and Sunning yourself you have got lots of time dun have to worry abt anything too. Got la one thing to worry. is the sun coming out? -.-

Ok so well What i missed? Thursday? was out in the rain doing work. COOL~~ did ask for rain coat la but did not use it in the end. coz no point. so yup in the rain. Found out a big problem of me. Hmmm.. time for a change! Thanx to this very unexpected straight forward person. =)

Friday wore the same ppe that is so stink. :X i use my fragrance also cannot cover. :S but still jus wear la nothing's wrong lor. nothing much jus was the board man so kan chiong la but after a while ok already. lolx.

After that went to town again suppose to shop but in the end. went to eat with another class. sometimes i felt weird la that you guys so late then ask me if i wanna go when you already know where i'm going. So like the type of don't want me to go attitude so can talk about me right? :P Joking la. So anyway ate so much so full and played the game with them. So funny la. but lucky thing i did not got questioned. =) that's for now. No shopping coz shop close. too tired also.

So today went to sun myself then went for practice freaking late should not have went. Damn irritating. Need to question where i went? or izit you want to know where i go date who or something. like F***ing SHIT! WHO are YOU to QUESTION my WHEREABOUTS? o well anyway next week i'll not be going also. Coz shift work. lolx. Don't care anymore!

Went MS with a down mood. a bit of tired also a bit of a like meet fren kind of thing lor. walk around actually wanted to buy stuff. but in the end did not. SHIT! wasted trip. Was down very down and down even more. However, at the end of the day, lolx. I'm quite happy. =) thanks to those few ppl. =D now it is time to come back! But let's try hearing a sad song and see if i still feel down. =D

Labels: Happy, Sad, Spree

The Purity of Music

Isolated and Blinded

I'm always that lonely child sitting at one corner. Waiting for people to talk to me. But this lonely child will forever be lonely. Unchangeable fact. I've never thought myself to be unlonely.

Nobody will understand the feeling i'm going through. Nobody will be able to put themselves in my shoe to have such a feeling. NOBODY.

Practical is so much fun. With all those people you were mostly not very close to. Unique group. =) Still they are a bunch of great people. Teamwork is great till now.

I want to change everything. I think i'll go colour or highlight my hair already. Just finding the time. The good time i yet to find. But i think soon. The more time i waste the less time i have.

I've practically wasted my time the past 2 years plus ever since poly started. That's the sad thing la. There is a progress in life and I stopped it long time ago. I'm like stuck in a body of a 19 yearold but my mental state is only like 15 or 16?

If I would turn back time. I'll promise I'll live my life to the fullest. Change every possible mishaps and of course, do things you'll enhance yourself. I've been stuck in this stupid shell for god knows how long. Time for a change. =) Ya. He currently need lots of money to change himself. Who will sponsor?

Thanx to my frens again for talking to me. =D This period in time is the darkest that Jasper's going through. When the tough gets going, the going gets tough(right?)

Labels: Sad

The Purity of Music

M I So Questionable?

Nothing's going my way that's all i know. Everything was ok till evening! :@ One was the scolding. Then was the stupid call. then ya now so sad. sad over? My future. I dunnoe what more to say.

Labels: Sad, Serious

The Purity of Music

I dunnoe

Monday blues. I HATE IT! every monday i have this super blue feeling. felt so disconnected from all the others. HAIZ. and IS enrolment? I'm so super sensitive now la.

IS enrolment is how hateful. but passed.

Now i'm so stupid! SHIT! Y can't i have done so. SHIT! i'm gonna hate myself forever. And Ever. And ever! =(

but again i love myself again. how stupid of me.

Tml training starts super intensive. and i'm so like not prepared for it. Plus under that SUN! dun care burn burn! if sun burn can cause my face to be better y not?

Ok i'm in a very unstable mood now or rather this period. so yup dun blow me up into pieces. you noe unstable elements will go through half life and half themselves. will i be one of them? :S

ok i felt so much better talking out my monday blues. :X time to sleep. tml's a long long day. =D Thanx to my frens hu chat with me. lolx. O any i drop my ring today. Hmmm i think that ring is called the ring of hope! lolx. yupz i have input one hope i wish to have. just today. hmmm mentally of coz. :P

Labels: Happy, Sad

The Purity of Music

Shopping

Didn't buy a lot of things. Anyway, so irritated with my fren in the morning but ok la. it was expected.

So my whole morning at home clean my room. not really clean but still clean nvm.

actually to say the number of ppl who read my blog very little. So quite like a private blog eh. lolx.

The whole day thinking again. How interesting. Sian. =( I'm think for the worse. Cause i doubt it could even happen. like my fren say sms not only one person so msn also cannot really refer to it lor. I was like Hmmm That's quite true.

Bought a cube to play. and also a year plus ago i wanted to get a ring till now i just got one. I haven colour my hair haven get many things i said i wanted to last time. Not like i'm rich or what but these days i'm just ya dunnoe just need to get things to adore myself and add on my "fun"

My frens i can use fingers to count. Sad eh. ya Really sad. Don't ask how much i spent today.

If you even read my blog how i ever wish you did. Later see how ba. its a new day. =) can see again. dunnoe if there will be the chance again. haiz.

I think and think but there is no outcome. Unless i'm able to pick up the courage to face the consequences? Do i have the courage to face them?? I'm just a weakling.

Labels: Sad, Spree

The Purity of Music

Today

So going to say about that idiot. Thought he's super good. But in the end?? *vomit* Some flute player with everything so bad a junior suppose dare to question his senior for his attendence? WTH!

~Non-bitch mood~

I've been thinking about just that one line of words the whole afternoon before i went for practice. Anyway, practice was a horror. What is really means to not act on impulse and yet gone means gone. Argh! what isit?

I'm so lonely and no one knows about it. Classmates go out didn't ask me along also. which i don't really care but not even ask me? It shows my status. -.-

After practice, was like don't know where to go and then went to town with some few till quite late. Not very interesting yet not very boring. When did i ever start talking about cars technology stuff. ARGH! conform to the people i guess. i wonder how some of the girls stand it. :X

So anyway, haven't had my hair cut! Which i wanted to since last week. Guess i'll do it tml. I think i'll wanna go shopping again tml.

Sometimes i just wonder how are you? Don't dare to disturb. Don't want to interfer with your fun. Best stay silent bah.

I'm a bit unsure. Yet i'm quite sure. But i'm thinking if it'll ever happen. The possibilities of it happening. The correct composition for the event to occur. Chances are hard to come by. And yet it is easy to be missed. I just need one more sign. One more.

Will you ever read this? i have my doubts.

Time to sleep.

Great minds think alike, Stupid minds stand aside. -.- What a phrase.

Labels: Pondering

The Purity of Music


one life, on chance dont do things on impulse. When you have lost it, its gone forever. Or can be on chance to one chance.

The Purity of Music

Weekends

I don't really like. Though I can rest, I want to go out with others everyone not free. How many friends am i left with i wonder. Like my classmates say. They auto-isolate themselves. How sad. =( Nvm lor. so I went town to shop alone!!! How interesting, but shop closed! I didn't get what i wanted! anyway the day started out not very well didn't sleep well and ya woke up and started to ___. (Fill in yourself)

Yesterday, actually can see how my classmate drive de but nvm la let some other people go. Coz i don't think the bus will wait also. -.- Then lecture is as usual boring start talking crap la. Ya about my facial foam again. IS modules and also the medical check up thing!

Stupid LO talk crap and don't even know a thing la. OMG. Imagine she's going to teach us next sem! WTH! start bitching after walking out of the room so useless la the meet can't they just come together with the other LO that day!

Ok at least got someone listen to my bitch. =X Then was eating ice cream coz no much time for proper meal esp. with me eating so ever slowly. Practial my group was the fastest to fix the strainer back in without a leak. =) but of coz a bit unhappy around la. guess it is understandable maybe they are a bit unhappy about me. =X or maybe i think too much. got scolded for horseplaying. -.-

O well thought i don't have enough time to bathe. but still i did.

Went to town to meet who no one. on the train with other 2 person ma. though the journey is suppose to be long, yesterday it is so short la. i don't know why. Didn't talk much i think coz tired also lor. ya shop close. then walk around a little longer then went off took a bus saw that YSL lady (sale person). =D Slept on the bus and yupz tt my day. of happiness sadness wrong-doings tiring.

I missed the chance again. Why am i so stupid all the time. When it comes i let it slip away. I think sometimes is the external factors but sometimes is just my inability. ~Haiz.. Jasper YOU ARE STUPID!~

Labels: Happy, Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

Serious

This post a bit serious la. I'm really wondering about not only my own future. How about others. I start to think of my own and also ya. Then after hearing quite a bit. I felt very sad la. =(

Great day. Had lots of fun and laughter. Think you know me too well. =X ya i eat things without fat. thanx for that locker thing ar. lolx.

Today's test is horrible. And how come everyone knows about my running thingy. O well. Nvm la. should start to train also for NAFA. Coming sem which is also the last sem =( sometimes i really feel like crying that my poly life is coming to an end already. A new chapter begins and haiz. lots of things will change again. I don't want. I want things to remain this way. But i forgot the world is always moving ahead. I'm always lagging behind. I don't know who reads this. And i think there will only be one or 2 persons.

Some feelings are hard to explain and harder to pen it down. You know? I hope this entry will be one of the last serious one i put in here before another one long after this.

Labels: Serious

The Purity of Music

Today

Happy day. But a bit of a confused over your actions. =X

O well lecture is as pernormal nothing special. then practical is really headache. info overload! manage to find sometimes to lie down in the plant. Cool eh. with all your PPEs on.

Blur man. so many things overloading today. first the practical then was revision. I'm so tired now. it is brain tired! Something else also made me a bit of tired today. Cute~!

spent 60+ on facial foam and toner only. OMG. SHIT! i'm broke again. But the foam smells a bit like my fragrance. lolx.

Time for a hair cut liao. and lot of needs to be met. No MONEY~!~! Who going to sponsor? haiz.

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

Felt SO

I still think my fren's right not to give in for that F***ing Bitch! Total Bitch man. Must let her taste her own medicine. BITCH HER BACK! lolx. Only a bitch can bitch a bitch. Let's think up of something.

Anyway, i felt really bad making someone quite piss today. =X Esp. the attachment thingy. Haiz felt so bad. Pls drink more water seems like you're gonna fall sick. I'm still thinking about it.

Stress coming. Thursday is the mid term exam. SHIT! Gonna die again.

My hands are still peeling! It's worse than before. more hand lotion pls~ -.-" Like as if.

I'm still madly in some crazy mood. =X

Labels: Gulity, Happy

The Purity of Music

Monday

Its monday again. Monday blues~! Ya as usual the practical almost slept. so ya lor very usual. Hope tml's a better day ba. Less tired.

I gotta start studying for my mid term exam already. So sian. It is worse than studying for O levels bio. T.T

Yeah. Happy. Ya it's a happy day. lolx. laugh at others coz some fren in temp depression. Monday you see then you noe. ya i knew. =P then others laugh at me! T.T even the trainer. OMG! Sian. Thanx someone for tt. -.-

I got suan again as usual. everyone seems to be in better mood esp. .. Smiles~~ but also a few people falling sick. That's bad.

I'm just thinking next sem how. after next sem how? i feel very sad over being in the last sem already. i wish it was longer. =( I want to know i want to be. i've yet been.

Time to study. Mid term!! :S

Labels: Happy, Stress

The Purity of Music

Day Out

At last have time to go out shop with parents but you know what? i still haven get a chance to ask about increment of my allowance!!!

Ya, quite a sad day actually. cause i felt so helpless over the issue. I cannot help in any way. Or i'm useless in every way. haiz. =( all i can only do is to send stupid msges dunnoe if they will be read. How stupid of me. But that is the only thing i could do. Or am i making things worse.

Anyway came home in the evening with stomach full of lunch and dinner. i still haven't eat my raw oysters! SluPPpZ~! One day soon. Then rush my HW. OMG only HW took 3 hrs plus? i haven study!!! that's WTH rite? when wed is test. No mood of more test also. Someone's so depress.

Why am i so affected by that?

After a day out, i found a lot of things i need to buy! YES! NEED! Now i'm down cause other is down. Why am i so weak? Am i weak? Weak in my emotional control? i guess

tml's i'm so gonna be scolded again. cause my log is very long! SHIT! i think too much crap inside.

too much said i think i add one more, tell me what i can do?

anyway yesterday went for b day party. cool. somethings are so funny la. and i drank quite a bit. as usual. everyone's blaming their alcohol for their "wrong doings" OMG. thanx jamie! cool b day party. =D not a lot of ppl but i think it is good enough. =)

O well yesterday woke up early to go ICA get a stamp on my passport. then went home a while later out to school for practice. then home again then go fren's b day party nearby. then home again. O well. I'm so home bounded these days. i felt so too. partly cause i have no mood to stay out also. i think i just need some company. will you?

Labels: Moody, Sad

The Purity of Music

Sad

I felt the sadness and anger. But i can only help to try make myself stupid and ya. Don't ask about results.

Went back to my company to collect my pay and also visit everyone. Didn't tell others 'cause i dun wish that suddenly everyone stop just to talk to me. The lab's always busy. Told them my result and thank them lots. =D actually bought quite a bit of things over leh. but also don't know why suddenly left very little. OMG.

ate LJS's breakfast. and then later still eat duck rice. some big issues happening around la. btw NYP's girl and NP. -.- during the lecture. tension is everywhere.

I really hope you are well. =)

Anyway my hands are peeling!!!! OMG. i dun understand why. and only 2 locations are affect the thumb and the fourth finger right hand btw. this is bad. but they are the 2 locations that seems very very dry.

Anyway, why you seems to be resisting? =(

dad came back. and i'm like now so sian. Friday nite. When i wanted you most you're not around.

Labels: Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

Training

I've been in training for 9 days already. It's getting fun i guess. lots of things to learn. But too much things to remember that's the whole big prob.

Today kanna suan again. And OMG. nvm. Don;t wanna say much. My trainer is cool. sometimes. today did lab lor.

Why are you always mocking me? lolx. Can i?? =X. Seems a bit of an attention seeking leh. =P but i don't mind. lolx.

I think i'm getting worse. :S

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

Tuesday

Ar~! I don't know this feeling myself. It's now very complicated. Hard to describe. But just happy?

All my friends know that my mood wasn't very good yesterday. =X OMG. Got suan by Lei Zhen again la. No wonder she is called Lei Zhen. lolx.

Ok la today's practical almost slept. didn't eat dinner during the dinner break. Cause don't feel hungry at all. After training, went to clementi to eat! 10 of us chat lots eat lots drink lots too. Haha. At least i'm a lot better from yesterday.

Be positive. I'm just waiting for the right time. But i doubt it will even happen. So why not just give it a try? maybe it will work? But things seems to go wrong.

Drink beer for the first time. Don't like. still don't like. Haiz. It hink wine or even hard liquor is better. X: in terms of taste. O well tml running. need to wake up early. OMG. sian. Long day tml. Pls dun give me stunt again. =X Like yesterday. X: lolx.

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

PMS?

Maybe i have that. Today's mood is bad. Really. It got from bad to worse. I don't know what you are doing really. I'm also not sure why I'm like that today. PMS ba. i think it was a month ago that i had this. =X Yawn~! Practical was ok.

Anyway morning i went for a run. Maybe cause of the run then i feel very tired? maybe. Today's the first time I look over and like hate it then turn away. First time! this is apparently for no reason.

I did something quite stupid today though. using that walkie talkie. wahaha. i think everyone heard. opps. lolx.

ok la today is swinging. Shit. Why like that? i don't know too. someone say i fa xiao jie pe qi. Aiya. Whatever it is i need a hair cut i need loads of money to adore myself yet again.

I just found out i always buy shirt for myself these days and they don;t even increase my allowance like WTH. and when i ask for money give me some stupid face! ARGH!

I'm not eating fried rice tml!

Labels: Moody, Sad

The Purity of Music

Happy & Sad

when you are both happy and sad how you express your feelings?

today's quite a good day i guess. cool things happen. lolx. Nothing cooler than having some idiots always making your stuff poking fun of you and there giving you stupid but cute faces? lolx. OMG why am i blogging abt this?

Worse why my company people say i like this person inthe company when it is totally not true. OMG! My sup msg me la! that's the worse part and ask me the question. like so totally not true. I almost had the urge to msg i already got someone i like?? OK this should not appear too.

This entry is so stupid. On one hand is so the other, i'm sad. I don't have a lot of things. everything is personal stuff la. i mean really... it jus makes me depress sometimes. =( I felt like i've wasted a lot of my resources on useless stuff. Now you know so so something. Ya i'm doing something!!

Practical even the teacher also suan me! OMG! shit! but everyone laughed their heads off. OMG! So... nvm. now everyone noes la. that water pressure thing. argh.

Thank you for making my day a happy one. =D

Tml's another day. Die time to sleep!!

Labels: Happy, Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

Sunday

Tml is back to training. Y are your personal msges related to wad i say? -.-

ok one day of home stay to do wad? my log and tutorial. ONE DAY! wad the hell. i haven study also! tts the worse thing.

Wad to eat tml? i think tml then i'll think. I'll try to wake up early check if someone is awake early too.

Someone no mood y? i dunnoe. dun ask much ba. Just stay happy lor.

i wish and hope but i dunnoe if it'll be true. sadness & loneliness lies beneath all happiness.

Labels: Moody

The Purity of Music

Sat

A day i can wake up really late. when for practice usually late. Ok no bad i guess after so long still can play quite well. =S (A bit of a BHB) a lot of phrases are like haven't even register in my brain i'm playing already those running portions. Horrible. It's quite fast but with a few personal practice i'm sure i can play it well. =D

After practice got my "love" from my friend. Chivas! AR~~!! I'm like alc addict. O NO! then went town they ate i didn't eat. (i think i ate har gao) then went window shopping. OMG i got a lot of things i want to buy! But look at my pocket! *blink blink* NO MONEY! Think can ask for sponsorship bah! Found a few fragrance to buy again. Ok those have to wait! lolx. I have got enough to last for at least 6 months if not a year.

Then went home. Suppose to study but in the end i was like cleaning up my room. Suddenly became an Air-con repair man. gosh. slept late again as usual and up so early. Needa watch what i'm eating already. SHARKS!

Labels: Blog

The Purity of Music

Friday

Today's a great day. Someone sat beside me lots of stuff to be learnt in lecture and the copying notes. But all seems effortless for once. =) It is a chim chim thing. I also don't quite fully understand it. Lots of things went by today. Sometimes I felt that I've wasted my chance. =(

After training, rush to clementi to meet some girl to collect cake and update our lives and then went to chinatown for KTV with the rest of my (ex) company. They were having D&D around the area too. Thus, chose that place. Ok la. spam my singing skills a bit. not too bad. But when i start straining my voice, some notes still need lots of practice! Hmmm.

Throughout the day I've always been thinking. So near yet so far away goal. How to achieve? But i think i'm receiving positive influence though. Besides that I've got something more I think. =X

I've been quite happy these few days! =)

Anyway, just reach home and now i'm starting to think again. Lots of test coming up. Lots of things to complete. I've to start studying already!

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

4thday

Great day. So happy. i think all my class de late ppl can msg me already. =) Only msg me. =X

anyway i jus found out how polluted my area is. :X coz jurong island is only about 4 5 km away by road? =S a cab fare of 8 bucks. hmmm, at least i noe i'll not need to pay a lot.

I'm so freaking poor!! i need more money! i think i'll start asking ba. Soon. And their reactions are already predicted.

What to eat tomorrow?? I wonder. :X

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

3rd Day

Happy day though. But also a bit sad. Hear stories from others sometimes happy sometimes i felt sad. =(

But still it is a happy day. First, location of where i was sitting. Second, got a bit of some weird feeling. (Maybe i was out of place) Third, don't know how to react so just act plain stupid. Fourth, someone made my day with those small acts. (You know what you doing??)

I've been eating a lot. too much already. Over the limit of what i was suppose to eat. But like that lor. Went for exercise during th evening. (Suddenly feel that i have a lot of time.) lolx. Thanks to those who made my day. (Esp. You) Smoke's no good.

Labels: Happy

The Purity of Music

2nd day

went for a whole day of talk jus to do a 30 MCQ question on safety which i think what others will say don't study also can pass kind. Quite true actually. But still it is counted in the final grade. That was what i heard. so done for now.

Next, i've been eating the whole day! eat and eat breakfast at 8 then tea break at 10 lunch at 11-12 and my high tea at 4 like a lot of carbo la. need to loose those energy already!

Then, the shoe thing. So argh. let's not talk about it.

Last, heard something not very nice. ya.

Conclusion for the day?? SIAN!

The Purity of Music

CPTC

Horrible place so like strict? i'm not in sec sch alrite! ok it is even worse than sec sch! OMG.

a bit happy a bit sad mixed feelings. Some ppl dun have to be present tml. And obviously they will not be around. YAWNz~ i gotta sleep already.

First, i think it i monday blues that is why i'm feeling so down. Second, I felt that i'm a bit out of place today. Somehow. SHIT! I hate that feeling. Third, I felt as though i'm being condemned.

Anyway today's one day I couldn't bring my mood up. =( went for a run jus now. quite bad. though there are somethings to be thinkin about. But i'm still wondering. Thanx someone for the chat. And another a bon voyage!

Nitez, Tml's gonna be worse? I hope not.

Labels: Moody

The Purity of Music

Tml

Tomorrow's a new beginning. I hope things will not be as bad as i thought it will be. Training! 8 at chinese garden? It is even earlier than my normal working hours alright! Hope i can wake up. But question is why am I still up? lolx.

Now, can I announce that i'm broke? totally bankrupt! Can't feed myself already! sharks! What can i do? O man. I think i needa sleep already. Talking about money... I hate it. Argh.

Labels: Dotz

The Purity of Music