Troubled

I'm really confused. Really troubled. And very irritable now! Dun come disturb me with crap stuff and read my body language pls! (Not that i can help)

I'm really sad in a way. I haven't got the chance to really talk to you. And talking to you is all i wanted now.

-Sometimes i hate this human to human interaction. But sometimes i love it. Well when you've got ppl hu do things in a super mess. Or jus we cannot get to adapt to your style-

I'm left all alone here. Tired, sad and hope-given-up. I need my new wish new hope.

Thought this year will end differently from last but... in the end it's still the same! =(

I wan frens hu i can trust, hu's as outgoing as i m, as playful and bitchy as i m and of coz the 'click'. I'll never be able to find many, but at least i wan to have ppl hu i can go out with and feel comfortable talking crap.

nan ren bu huai nu ren bu ai. Wad a phrase!

Labels: Confused, Sad, Serious, Tired, Troubled

The Purity of Music

HEY!

After a few days of being so so so down. I'm going back! Don't know how my rebounding skills will be like. Hope it is good! =)

It was yesterday that i'm sad. sometimes i think maybe becoz of the sun that's why. Went Sunning myself today. Lots of personal time. though think a lot today. sometimes life is a bliss when you dun have to worry about anything. and Sunning yourself you have got lots of time dun have to worry abt anything too. Got la one thing to worry. is the sun coming out? -.-

Ok so well What i missed? Thursday? was out in the rain doing work. COOL~~ did ask for rain coat la but did not use it in the end. coz no point. so yup in the rain. Found out a big problem of me. Hmmm.. time for a change! Thanx to this very unexpected straight forward person. =)

Friday wore the same ppe that is so stink. :X i use my fragrance also cannot cover. :S but still jus wear la nothing's wrong lor. nothing much jus was the board man so kan chiong la but after a while ok already. lolx.

After that went to town again suppose to shop but in the end. went to eat with another class. sometimes i felt weird la that you guys so late then ask me if i wanna go when you already know where i'm going. So like the type of don't want me to go attitude so can talk about me right? :P Joking la. So anyway ate so much so full and played the game with them. So funny la. but lucky thing i did not got questioned. =) that's for now. No shopping coz shop close. too tired also.

So today went to sun myself then went for practice freaking late should not have went. Damn irritating. Need to question where i went? or izit you want to know where i go date who or something. like F***ing SHIT! WHO are YOU to QUESTION my WHEREABOUTS? o well anyway next week i'll not be going also. Coz shift work. lolx. Don't care anymore!

Went MS with a down mood. a bit of tired also a bit of a like meet fren kind of thing lor. walk around actually wanted to buy stuff. but in the end did not. SHIT! wasted trip. Was down very down and down even more. However, at the end of the day, lolx. I'm quite happy. =) thanks to those few ppl. =D now it is time to come back! But let's try hearing a sad song and see if i still feel down. =D

Labels: Happy, Sad, Spree

The Purity of Music

Isolated and Blinded

I'm always that lonely child sitting at one corner. Waiting for people to talk to me. But this lonely child will forever be lonely. Unchangeable fact. I've never thought myself to be unlonely.

Nobody will understand the feeling i'm going through. Nobody will be able to put themselves in my shoe to have such a feeling. NOBODY.

Practical is so much fun. With all those people you were mostly not very close to. Unique group. =) Still they are a bunch of great people. Teamwork is great till now.

I want to change everything. I think i'll go colour or highlight my hair already. Just finding the time. The good time i yet to find. But i think soon. The more time i waste the less time i have.

I've practically wasted my time the past 2 years plus ever since poly started. That's the sad thing la. There is a progress in life and I stopped it long time ago. I'm like stuck in a body of a 19 yearold but my mental state is only like 15 or 16?

If I would turn back time. I'll promise I'll live my life to the fullest. Change every possible mishaps and of course, do things you'll enhance yourself. I've been stuck in this stupid shell for god knows how long. Time for a change. =) Ya. He currently need lots of money to change himself. Who will sponsor?

Thanx to my frens again for talking to me. =D This period in time is the darkest that Jasper's going through. When the tough gets going, the going gets tough(right?)

Labels: Sad

The Purity of Music

M I So Questionable?

Nothing's going my way that's all i know. Everything was ok till evening! :@ One was the scolding. Then was the stupid call. then ya now so sad. sad over? My future. I dunnoe what more to say.

Labels: Sad, Serious

The Purity of Music

I dunnoe

Monday blues. I HATE IT! every monday i have this super blue feeling. felt so disconnected from all the others. HAIZ. and IS enrolment? I'm so super sensitive now la.

IS enrolment is how hateful. but passed.

Now i'm so stupid! SHIT! Y can't i have done so. SHIT! i'm gonna hate myself forever. And Ever. And ever! =(

but again i love myself again. how stupid of me.

Tml training starts super intensive. and i'm so like not prepared for it. Plus under that SUN! dun care burn burn! if sun burn can cause my face to be better y not?

Ok i'm in a very unstable mood now or rather this period. so yup dun blow me up into pieces. you noe unstable elements will go through half life and half themselves. will i be one of them? :S

ok i felt so much better talking out my monday blues. :X time to sleep. tml's a long long day. =D Thanx to my frens hu chat with me. lolx. O any i drop my ring today. Hmmm i think that ring is called the ring of hope! lolx. yupz i have input one hope i wish to have. just today. hmmm mentally of coz. :P

Labels: Happy, Sad

The Purity of Music

Shopping

Didn't buy a lot of things. Anyway, so irritated with my fren in the morning but ok la. it was expected.

So my whole morning at home clean my room. not really clean but still clean nvm.

actually to say the number of ppl who read my blog very little. So quite like a private blog eh. lolx.

The whole day thinking again. How interesting. Sian. =( I'm think for the worse. Cause i doubt it could even happen. like my fren say sms not only one person so msn also cannot really refer to it lor. I was like Hmmm That's quite true.

Bought a cube to play. and also a year plus ago i wanted to get a ring till now i just got one. I haven colour my hair haven get many things i said i wanted to last time. Not like i'm rich or what but these days i'm just ya dunnoe just need to get things to adore myself and add on my "fun"

My frens i can use fingers to count. Sad eh. ya Really sad. Don't ask how much i spent today.

If you even read my blog how i ever wish you did. Later see how ba. its a new day. =) can see again. dunnoe if there will be the chance again. haiz.

I think and think but there is no outcome. Unless i'm able to pick up the courage to face the consequences? Do i have the courage to face them?? I'm just a weakling.

Labels: Sad, Spree

The Purity of Music

Weekends

I don't really like. Though I can rest, I want to go out with others everyone not free. How many friends am i left with i wonder. Like my classmates say. They auto-isolate themselves. How sad. =( Nvm lor. so I went town to shop alone!!! How interesting, but shop closed! I didn't get what i wanted! anyway the day started out not very well didn't sleep well and ya woke up and started to ___. (Fill in yourself)

Yesterday, actually can see how my classmate drive de but nvm la let some other people go. Coz i don't think the bus will wait also. -.- Then lecture is as usual boring start talking crap la. Ya about my facial foam again. IS modules and also the medical check up thing!

Stupid LO talk crap and don't even know a thing la. OMG. Imagine she's going to teach us next sem! WTH! start bitching after walking out of the room so useless la the meet can't they just come together with the other LO that day!

Ok at least got someone listen to my bitch. =X Then was eating ice cream coz no much time for proper meal esp. with me eating so ever slowly. Practial my group was the fastest to fix the strainer back in without a leak. =) but of coz a bit unhappy around la. guess it is understandable maybe they are a bit unhappy about me. =X or maybe i think too much. got scolded for horseplaying. -.-

O well thought i don't have enough time to bathe. but still i did.

Went to town to meet who no one. on the train with other 2 person ma. though the journey is suppose to be long, yesterday it is so short la. i don't know why. Didn't talk much i think coz tired also lor. ya shop close. then walk around a little longer then went off took a bus saw that YSL lady (sale person). =D Slept on the bus and yupz tt my day. of happiness sadness wrong-doings tiring.

I missed the chance again. Why am i so stupid all the time. When it comes i let it slip away. I think sometimes is the external factors but sometimes is just my inability. ~Haiz.. Jasper YOU ARE STUPID!~

Labels: Happy, Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

Day Out

At last have time to go out shop with parents but you know what? i still haven get a chance to ask about increment of my allowance!!!

Ya, quite a sad day actually. cause i felt so helpless over the issue. I cannot help in any way. Or i'm useless in every way. haiz. =( all i can only do is to send stupid msges dunnoe if they will be read. How stupid of me. But that is the only thing i could do. Or am i making things worse.

Anyway came home in the evening with stomach full of lunch and dinner. i still haven't eat my raw oysters! SluPPpZ~! One day soon. Then rush my HW. OMG only HW took 3 hrs plus? i haven study!!! that's WTH rite? when wed is test. No mood of more test also. Someone's so depress.

Why am i so affected by that?

After a day out, i found a lot of things i need to buy! YES! NEED! Now i'm down cause other is down. Why am i so weak? Am i weak? Weak in my emotional control? i guess

tml's i'm so gonna be scolded again. cause my log is very long! SHIT! i think too much crap inside.

too much said i think i add one more, tell me what i can do?

anyway yesterday went for b day party. cool. somethings are so funny la. and i drank quite a bit. as usual. everyone's blaming their alcohol for their "wrong doings" OMG. thanx jamie! cool b day party. =D not a lot of ppl but i think it is good enough. =)

O well yesterday woke up early to go ICA get a stamp on my passport. then went home a while later out to school for practice. then home again then go fren's b day party nearby. then home again. O well. I'm so home bounded these days. i felt so too. partly cause i have no mood to stay out also. i think i just need some company. will you?

Labels: Moody, Sad

The Purity of Music

Sad

I felt the sadness and anger. But i can only help to try make myself stupid and ya. Don't ask about results.

Went back to my company to collect my pay and also visit everyone. Didn't tell others 'cause i dun wish that suddenly everyone stop just to talk to me. The lab's always busy. Told them my result and thank them lots. =D actually bought quite a bit of things over leh. but also don't know why suddenly left very little. OMG.

ate LJS's breakfast. and then later still eat duck rice. some big issues happening around la. btw NYP's girl and NP. -.- during the lecture. tension is everywhere.

I really hope you are well. =)

Anyway my hands are peeling!!!! OMG. i dun understand why. and only 2 locations are affect the thumb and the fourth finger right hand btw. this is bad. but they are the 2 locations that seems very very dry.

Anyway, why you seems to be resisting? =(

dad came back. and i'm like now so sian. Friday nite. When i wanted you most you're not around.

Labels: Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

PMS?

Maybe i have that. Today's mood is bad. Really. It got from bad to worse. I don't know what you are doing really. I'm also not sure why I'm like that today. PMS ba. i think it was a month ago that i had this. =X Yawn~! Practical was ok.

Anyway morning i went for a run. Maybe cause of the run then i feel very tired? maybe. Today's the first time I look over and like hate it then turn away. First time! this is apparently for no reason.

I did something quite stupid today though. using that walkie talkie. wahaha. i think everyone heard. opps. lolx.

ok la today is swinging. Shit. Why like that? i don't know too. someone say i fa xiao jie pe qi. Aiya. Whatever it is i need a hair cut i need loads of money to adore myself yet again.

I just found out i always buy shirt for myself these days and they don;t even increase my allowance like WTH. and when i ask for money give me some stupid face! ARGH!

I'm not eating fried rice tml!

Labels: Moody, Sad

The Purity of Music

Happy & Sad

when you are both happy and sad how you express your feelings?

today's quite a good day i guess. cool things happen. lolx. Nothing cooler than having some idiots always making your stuff poking fun of you and there giving you stupid but cute faces? lolx. OMG why am i blogging abt this?

Worse why my company people say i like this person inthe company when it is totally not true. OMG! My sup msg me la! that's the worse part and ask me the question. like so totally not true. I almost had the urge to msg i already got someone i like?? OK this should not appear too.

This entry is so stupid. On one hand is so the other, i'm sad. I don't have a lot of things. everything is personal stuff la. i mean really... it jus makes me depress sometimes. =( I felt like i've wasted a lot of my resources on useless stuff. Now you know so so something. Ya i'm doing something!!

Practical even the teacher also suan me! OMG! shit! but everyone laughed their heads off. OMG! So... nvm. now everyone noes la. that water pressure thing. argh.

Thank you for making my day a happy one. =D

Tml's another day. Die time to sleep!!

Labels: Happy, Sad, Tired

The Purity of Music

Last Day

So sad. the day i have been looking forward to so much that time is now here. And now, i really hope it didn't come as fast. =( I miss so many people.

Work was usual. Just went to collect my delivery at abt 9.30am. However, no chance to disturbute them so ya lor. no choice. Then after lunch I gave my HoD the gift. He was so surprised. quite true. Not that I like por ppl but seriously that's something not too expensive to give out of the range of alcohol.

Manage to get my testimonial yeah! and I was so surprise by what my HoD did. Thanx lots! =) The admin ladies also gave their token. So touch la. Then i did my usual stuff the work. manage to get all out together with results.

I didn't manage to do a few things. One, get everyone's contacts including some from ENV lab. Two, have a proper farewell (Which is also good). Did some of my clearence stuff made people wait. gosh. the stupid journey took so freaking long OMG!

Ate at NYNY again but this time at AMK hub. Cool thanx those who were present. Lolx. lots of fun and laughter. Then Jer pass me SS and her token. I was a bit lost of words. i returned her all the money but i still forgot one more! T.T sad. Then went shopping. so one by one went off. A separation where we all go different ways but still be back kind like after work eat go home then go work again the next working day. Haiz... at last 6 months ended and i really hope days will not have went onso quickly.

I would really like to thank all those who lend a helping hand when i was there for IA. time to sleep and things will still go on normally.

Labels: Sad

The Purity of Music

Sad

Now... the only things that can make me happy again is just someone special! Why? I'm actualy quite disappointed with my family! or rather very disappointed. O well things will be like tt forever. Money is always more important! Giving money = giving you a celebration! So to her money is everything. So freaking irritated since friday. Though i may not look so. Ok should stop like if not i can go on and on non-stop.

Stuck at home for no reason at all. When i can go out have lots of fun... I ground myself at home to keep my dad company in the end. It is like at home enough ar? I really don't know maybe this is another more profound company from the usual chit chat??

Slept so much these 2 days, now need to sleep but like cannot sleep! argh. nvm. Anyway, these few days at home i'm like so sad. Thought through so much. I really hope to just ask one day. But i think it doesn't seems good. Have not been online for a long time maybe some thing happened? i don't know. How should i be?

Anyway on friday they played with my name to check what i always think. maybe it is crap of what but quite true though. Not only me but many of my department people also tried. My name too long so split. got 2 meanings in general, both to me seems bad. Alcohol and love! -.- like WTH! nvm.

ok tired time to sleep tml got work! O no! monday blues. Cause stay at home too long already. butt too warm you see.

Labels: Sad

The Purity of Music

I'm So Moody

Too many moods come together to give you this blur confusing mood. Let's call it i dunnoe?

Tml got Drama to watch in my lab. Tickets for free. Call in advance.

Haiz... I'm Sad. I'm tired. I'm feeling helpless over it. I'm I'm I'm... No one understands me fully. Most only 5 to 10%? Guess i'm to complicated to be understood.

Actually thinking back my life's a drama. Seems that everything that's around me and myself is in an act where i'm so called the main cast. O no!~!~

Labels: Sad

The Purity of Music