Blog and Block

well.. i dunnoe blogging here... today's a good day lor... i guess... at least u noe something... i got a bit of time for myself to stay at home... tts the evening and morning... so well.. wad can i say?? busy with hw etc... i think need to catch up on my sleep too... not enough... and i seriously need more.. haiz..

math's always a headache.. haiz.. then reng now going to get worse... argh!! or it is already bad enough... i seriously need to find time to really study hard... very hard... coz it seems that wadever i have been in lectures for all these while is back to teacher or rather u should say it haven even reach me...

i wanna jus rest R.I.P and i really mean it.. haiz...

well.. sometimes i dunnoe how and y such a thing should happen... there could be 1001 reasons i can think of for such a thing to happen... but it is tt only 1 reason that is wad valid... how to put up to this.. i dunnoe.. y such thing happen i dunnoe... hmm then wad i noe.. i still dunnoe...

lets jus c how things are bah... :( many things need to be forgotten.. yup.. and i'll erase them asap... del away u noe... then somethings are met to be remembered. ya... so i'll remember... seriously i think i need to sleep already... haiz.. first time and i left so many things undone u noe... no choice..

anyway this blog is private yet unprivate.. if u get wad i mean.. :D

The Purity of Music

So now wad

ok... went to sch like reach at 8am.. ate breakfast la.. OMG.. alone.. sian.. then thought no one came... then decided to go to the lab... and Oie~~~ they are there... -.- ok at least they thought of something... felt so bad not able to contribute... :S

had the update... then sat there slack for sometime.. do a bit of maths... -.- math's L.T is a terrible headache!!! i need to study already... ZzZz...faster seriously need to find lots and lots of time to study... gotta push every other thing aside.. but next sat is another conert?? OMG... sian.. hope it really goes well..

gotta get back my $$ from the band... haiz... it'll take a long time... so worked on my maths again... really headache man... so anyway gotta say... it is like u noe u have a problem but u dunnoe how to solve it? tts how bad it is...

ya... sometimes i'm jus thinking wad did i do this time... did i do something so bad??? i dunnoe.. haiz.. leave it as it is bah.. i guess... :(

went to band room then the where again for the band practice.. haiz... well this band practice not too bad.. jus all the wrong notes.. -.- need to be more accurate... need to practice... and wad improve on tone!!! -.- short time got problem.. gotta play long notes already... :-( so sian... back to the basics...

well went back to BT for prata and go home. the bus took so long and i'm sleeping there.. haiz... bad... :(

last... wad's teh reason for such a thing to happen?? i seriously wonder... haiz...

The Purity of Music

Tired

Jus had assessment... so it is like though the comments are somewhat on the good side... i think i performed kinf of badly lor... a bit off key... a bit no confidence...

i think i need a rest... my maths test.. gone liao la.. haiz... headache.. :( so sian.. wadever reason it was for... haiz... can u explain...

nothing much today.. jus have got lots of things to work on lots of things to do... ya better go sleep soon...

anyway somethings i dun care coz they are not a big concern to me.. but somethings are cared.. coz they are big... doubt anyone understands... haiz.. :'(

The Purity of Music

Tired

ya morning woke up practice a bit then go for full band.. gosh.. horrible.. hope it will turn out well.. :X as in for my part tt is.. less than 2 weeks....

9th dec concert hu wans to go??

full band then go vivocity to catch a movie... took a bus 143 took quite sometime to reach there lor.. so sian... hate to sleep on bus... a 15 minutes sleep actually cause 30 minutes of glum.. -.- after tt.. :X

watch happy feet... nice.. really.. should watch.. a bit cartoon... but u study deeper it actually tells u a lot of things.. :) though it is kiddish...

then went to eat lor... then went home... the eating part.. OMG... movies eat all those chips.. :X for the whole 1 hr i eat chips then so thirsty.. :X 2 hrs plus i guess the movie.. never time.. :X

took an mrt home... actually wanted to go e-zone but guess i need to get more rest.. :X yup so tts abt my day... at least it wasn't very stressful.. :X

The Purity of Music

haiz

morning i woke up went to the kitchen my mum told me the bird died... her watery eyes jus make me wan to cry... she's so sad can... haiz... i dunnoe really... if i should even drop a drop of tear...

so anyway went to sch late.. did some runs everything.. it went well.. :) the performance went well too... the last possible error for being stage is phew~! done.. but our item got error.. haiz.. nvm... its done.. ;)

well at least after all this my stress level decreased... a lot... and besides tt i noe of a lot of new ppl from other ccas... lolx.. :) tts cool.. gotta keep up with them.. lolx.. :)

i'm tired of my life.. but at least now it is less stressful.. i can go town more often.. lolx.. ok no.. actually i need a lot of practice for the 9th dec concert.. so this whole week will be practicing.. :) but of coz study.. :)

2 test this coming week... bad... i also need to do a lot of stuff.. like online quiz.. haiz.. sian... this is my study like.. very stressful... =(

haiz... i'm tired actually.. i need more sleep more rest... cansomeone help me.. nope.. coz i need to do everything myself... and i mean everything... so now.. i need to stay strong... a lot stronger... more independent... goota start doing work Jasper... :) life's not so bad afterall.. :D when u stay happy...

The Purity of Music

i'm tired...

mentally... giving me unnecessary stress... well... i may not have wad it takes.. but look at urself be4 u tok abt others...

The Purity of Music

stressful

doing stage is stressful... argh... jus shot the head it is like a junior shooting a supervisor... :S caused a bit of problems.. haiz... well.. hope those involved are alrite... :X

haiz... sian.. wad a day... well i went to town in the morning... shiok.. sfirst time did this... lolx.. and went back to sch with a stitch... coz went to taka saw then wa so cute.. and bought it... ya should have jus asked my fren to bring it home then bring back to sch for me.. now dunnoe la.. jus like it caused unnecessary problems.... lolx..

o well... guess i'm nobody compared to this person... m i rite?? well sian... dun wish to think..

well sian... i jus feel like stopping the world... make me sort out all my stuff be4 i get back into this world again... :X

haiz.. i wanna sleep long long... but again.. haiz.. sian.. R.I.P the best... not in this stressful world full of thinking full of everything u cannot think of..
the innocent Earth is made unpure my humans???

haiz.. i need to sleep nitez..

The Purity of Music

change blog add...

reason being it was not private anymore... not like i scared of wad ppl think.. but i kind of distrust ppl... so can i say only those i trust will c the blog?

wadever it is.. they dun understand... the stress i'm going through... everytime my dad flies off... we pray for his safe return... the other day he had a close shave... really close one... but thank god... wad would it be like when u are so busy and u dun even get a chance to be as a family in the few short days he come back??? u dun spend quality time... and eating as a family is not quality time.. unless u say the place is quiet and we tok...

they dun understand having so many performance stuck end to end... ever since like after 2nd sem end... i haven had a rest.. a real rest.. nothing on nothing to do.. nothing planned... i really wish for tt one day... i still have got 5 events coming up... haiz...

now sch work also stressing me up... seriously if life's so difficult y live?? i dun understand...

dun wanna bitch abt those ppl... no use.. coz they always win... ok not bitch la.. rather tok abt them... when last time i did so much work and no one enthu... now i enthu other stuff u all say i never do work... argh.. wadever... when u urself have got nothing to do execpt to study... i have got cca unlike u... haiz... wadever it is... the kind of stress u have on sch work plus the other 3 factors above is enough to kill one person...

wadever it is... i should erase my days away... die in an unwanted world... jus rot there... life would be even better...

anyway it is very rude to intrude ppl's privacy and when my blog is not disclose to u and it is a private blog suppose u should not noe... in the end u jus like go read.. ok wadever up to u to think... u jus disappoint me really... but anyway they are ppl hu i dun trust... coz on face value they seems nice to u.. behind u they tok abt u... i seriously jus should not trust them.. i think i should not even be get into this course...

so i should be selfish then not lend my laptop to others... :)

The Purity of Music

worse day ever

even the most non-irritating person manage to irritate me... OMG... sian... how come.. haiz.. felt horrible today.. jus some ppl love to spoil ppl's day... idiotic... cannot bring myself to become happy...

jus some time somethings jus tells u the truth.. tt i have always been trying to look away.. but now it's coming back...

and u noe wad... after few weeks of pulling myself out of the well... now i drop so fast... so so fast tt i dun even noe where m i... -.- haiz...

can someone help me... i really really feel horrible now... :( if i can even drop one droplet of tear i would... but i can't jus cannot come out... seriously bleeding is easier then crying.. haiz...

The Purity of Music


I think i should jus take a break from music... seriously... i'm so depressed now.. over music... coz i think seriously i have got no talent no skill...

i think i have reached a peak already... need to rest... and re-think wad's the next improvement needed... really tt kind of half time rest kind... haiz... this is good or bad??? i dunnoe.. haiz... jus there to throw ur face??? haiz.. i think seriously i need to learn more... after this time i'll rest for a while be4 i continue...

i need time to rest... and have my own time... do wad i wan.... and of coz... when i rest i need more $$ which i dun have.. haiz... sian diao...

so ppl.. this is bad... i'm in no good state..

plus something's so blur.. haiz.. bad bad bad... help...

The Purity of Music

Wad A Day

haiz... horribly sian... y coz 1st the practice was super horrible.. :( i really very sad la... when u practice and u dun get wad u wan in the end when u thought u would have already got it.. so it is like... wad the hell...

i still cannot forget my thing!!! now i need to use my own $$ to buy again... haiz..

anyway.. my rite ear now cannot hear properly... i dunnoe y... so irritating... it is like not as clear as the left ear... so like wth....

had my rehearsal in sch.. it is like.. -.- sian lor.. suddenly so many things to do.. like duh... sian.. things need to be more confirmed... if not jus like tt say say say no use... i think everyone also jus as blur.. so cannot be blamed.. -.-

haiz... sian.. tml need to spend lots of $$$ again... like wad the hell lor.. :( u tell me how??? when u have got no $$$ to spend...

anyway... sometimes i dunnoe y somethings happen... if there is a reason for it... i wanna noe... My only wish only hope.. do u still really noe something i dunnoe... haiz... lots more changes coming along... ... like i dunnoe... really... u jus created a fog around u and there it goes again.... deeper and deeper into the dark...

i wish i wish... upon a shooting star... ok... dun day dream already.... back to reality... haiz.. sian...

my face is getting worse.. i hate this!!! argh!!!!

The Purity of Music

Pissed

SOME IDIOTIC PPL JUS CANNOT REGISTER SOMETHINGS IN THEIR BRAINS!!!

my mum gave away my stuff when i specifically say it is MINE!!! -.- wad the hell.. an excuse she use... i paid for it... so i jus say.. i did not ask u to pay for it u paid it urself...

o well solution.. dunnoe.. now have to find a way to buy another one?? or buy something else.... argh... irritating ppl jus spoil everything... doesn't mean she dun use it... i dun use it... doesn't mean she dunnoe how to use it i dunnoe how to use it too... argh!!! PISSED... she gotta pay me back i tell u...

o well.. sometimes i'm so freaking blur abt somethings.. haiz... i duunoe if it is.. i dunnoe if it is not... maybe i should jus dismiss the idea... unless U really show tt it is the way i think it is... i seriously need U to show.. haiz.. i dunnoe.. really... this is geting worse... :S

anyway today went for the SCSM briefing... cool.. met a few new ppl... lolx... from np too.. lolx... hmmm... noe some sport ppl too.. ok la... seems to be getting more fun soon...

after tt slack at suntec wait for fren then go bugis and then head back to school... and ya... must complain.. tt CO is so irritating... taking freaking hell lots of time... like OMG.. idiotic.. so went to eat with my parents and go back which was suppose not allowed.. so anyway dun care...

ok so went home and this happened.. so ya still so angry... argh..

anyway i really jus need something... something i really wish for... and tt something is only u-know-wad.... so yup... i'm waiting... and waiting...

i think ill have a bad nite...

The Purity of Music

How??

Ya as usual blur blur... haiz... dunnoe la.. jus seems weird... but again.. it is like u noe not possibly the way i'm thinking.. so ya... wadever...

o well my dad came home... haiz.. ya... and again... over the overseas attachment... kind of like quarrel?? ok not quarrel but jus it created tension... i was saying no germany then i'll not be going overseas.. then he is like toking a load of crap... like wad other choices... u noe la... so in the end.. i decided on local attachment... at least i'll stay.. for many reasons.. for u to guess... lolx.. and the word is many...

o well my dad come back at the wrong time.. i guess.. first, i have got lots of reharsals... this coming week.. tt includes tml and sun... -.- haiz... guess i need to go back to sec sch band cc lor.. seriously... cannot go for their concert.. so well.. no choice..

more and more rehersal.. haiz.. headache... but wad's more stressing is the band concert on 9th dec.. :S headache.. dunnoe wad reed to use... wad kind of a tone to have wad's nice to play with.. u noe.. like practically there is not a standard of the reed i wan.. o gosh... :( stressful... coz gott make optimium use of the redds i have now...

sometimes i jus wonder... ok dun wonder too far.. -.- concerts and concerts... but the practice is horribly sian... wad's worse... i'm also not a good player myself.. so ya..

coming week i dunnoe how leh.. really.. so many things happening... and most imptly... something clash... and then worse.. sat performance.... i think die le la..

3rd dec another headache.. argh... nvm... i still think i stick to my post... -.-

The Purity of Music

Jus Hope

u noe sometimes it is jus so blur... haiz.. i dunnoe... maybe the haze also clouded my vision... -.- o well lets jus hope and c how things goes lor.. :(

not too bad a day to start off with... went to sch.. meeting at 12... i reach sch at 12.10... saw my fren at the bus stop toking.. the other sotong fren dun even c me in the bus... OMG... i reach the place liao then after sometime then they come...

o well at least i noe the project is on track.. tml submit... and i think tml put everything together... and tada done.. lolx.. :)

ok tt's for one only.. the other one... still waiting for the next part to come in.. tml print and send online too.. so yup.. tts abt it.. woot!!!~~~

but again.. u noe something i have got 2 more reports coming up... o gosh... haiz.. so busy.. next week... freaking busy.. ok rather this sat onwards.. -.- till next sat... be4 i have a short break.. and then get killed again on the 9th dec.. -.- after 9th dec.. slacker.. but u noe wad.. still got to work for common test and then the christmas caroling.. :S so = OMG... sian... i m seriously in need of $$$ need to buy this and tt... :S

but wadever it is.. i still need one thing... tt one thing is everything.. haiz.. well... next friday seems to be a very free day.. coz only got one lesson to attend for the whole day.. and it is in the afternoon... o no... and then i got reharsal... sian totally.. haiz... next sat... OMG... sian... performance... dunnoe i think i getting more leo now.. -.- like the stage is where u really show urself... ur talent... but again.. unoe wad i have got no talent and i like to show?? ok.. nvm... wait dun think too far.. show as in perform...

anyway... i still thinking... how would life be like... if i wasn't this busy... :X haiz.. i jus hope.. jus hope and keep my fingers cross... if this is really true... but if it isn't how?? i dunnoe... i jus felt like haiz... dun ask me... i seriously dunnoe wad i'm saying now... :X but again... sometimes i dunnoe if i should do somethings... haiz...

The Purity of Music

Wad M I Doing??

self-destruction??? o no... haiz.. dun ask me.. i also dunnoe wad i'm doing now.. firstly i said i'll give up... but as days goes along i felt tt this giving up if pulling together again.. reason for good or bad i dunnoe... wadever it is... i jus hope and wish i have had a heart made of stone... maybe diamond... hard yet precious...

ok.. u c.. i came home early for once after like erm... since last monday... so ya.. the only day i'm home early... sleep more... HAD DINNER AT HOME... went to sch late... coz i woke up late.. lolx.. like 7 when lesson is at 8.. then u like huh wad happened kind of look.. o gosh... and yup.. kind of happy being late?? lolx.. dunnoe.. maybe.. wadever it is... still no choice.. next time gotta be early... still late summore die le la...

ok lesson was likeusual lor.. nothing much... jus there listening and doing my own stuff.. in my own wonderland... haiz.. u noe wad i think everyone faces the same prob... not enough $$$.. and u c.. i have got like 7X2 meals a week to settle... -.- how to save up??? seriously i dun need to get extra things i dun need to save up even a bit lor... haiz.. if i can have jus 1000 ok 500 a mth it would be enough really... at least i noe i can have $$ to eat wad i wan and then also save up quite a bit for rainy days.. like now.. the super busy super stressful days... all this will not end until after christmas.. and seriously i'm thinking how to celebrate my christmas and of coz.. not to forget where to get $$$ for christmas shopping?? haiz..

ok... next m i very bad sometimes.. as in when i'm in bad mood.. ok la.. unless it is something tt affects me a lot.. if not i'll not be so gloomy... ok la seriously speaking... still trying to recover... ok not really recovering la.. but preventing for the ultimate blow to come.. so tt at least i'm prepared? lolx... well.. it is both actually.. wadever... so confusing...

next project is not giving me a good time... things are not as expected... friday now is wednesday nite.. hmmmm.... u tell me how? gotta rush liao lor.. but still problem is i dunnoe wad to write in the report.. so like -.- kind.. OMG.. sian lor... esp the IS one... on London... -.- help!!! gotta crap with understanding with knowledge and of coz with extensive research... now.. i'm like thinking wad to write and i thought of nothing.. y coz i have no idea wad are the stats like... haiz...

ok actually i was thinking wad's the real meaning of being shy... -.- i actually forgot how a shy experienceis abt... OMG... this is bad... haiz... o no... well... u need to be strong Jasper... :D and i think i need to really change my personal motto to.. dare to try.. lolx.. maybe...

but wadever it is.. these days i'm getting more sl.. more like in need of attraction izit?? now looking abt at wad happened the past few days... haiz... u tell me... O NO... Jasper...

ok la.. back to report or maybe i'll jus go sleep.. haiz.. the reports are killing me... -.- HELP's NEEDED!!!

The Purity of Music


i dunnoe if i should do this or not.. really... i mean like everyday like tt is something not very good.. sometimes i jus dunnoe... haiz.. felt not rite... well... wad can i say... seriously... i mean if u set ur heart on something... but it is not possible to be done.. wad u think? stupid izit not? tts me..

ok tired.. tok another time...

The Purity of Music

It's So Wrong

yes.. it is wrong to be urself... really.. ok nvm... i need some time.. rather somemore time... i'm feeling like everyday is jus another day... everyday i jus be myself... my real self... hu loves attraction... any form... hu loves to be in limelight... maybe in a wrong way too... but u noe something u can never be urself... no matter how close u are to the ppl... coz being urself u are hated more...

this is like well wad should i say... nvm... 3 projects due this week.. none done up yet.. stilll got lots more to do... OMG... die... i think i dun need to sleep already.. but seriously cannot need to sleep... and u noe wad... it does take a lot of effort to be urself... coz u feel the tension from others... and u noe wad they thinking...

nvm... well today's not a nice day... really... hate such a day... but still u gotta show u are happy... one reason... if u are not happy no one else will bother abt u... how much they tell u they care does not tell u how much a fren they are seriously... i mean this is the world Jasper... u gotta face it... well Jasper u gotta be strong... really strong... this is not the end... it should not be...

how difficult it is to be urself... how difficult to be "urself"... sometimes life jus need to come to a stand still everything stops nothing moves... nothing's happening... guess tml would be another gloomy day... haiz...

only a few notice... wad's happening... others 1 dun bother or 2 cannot be bothered... m i rite or m i left? jus look at it... nothing's good...

grow stronger Jasper... grow stronger...

The Purity of Music

Wad Can I Say

Stress.. having 3 reports to hand up in the week 2 on friday one on wednesday... o gosh... this is a busy week... and now i think i'lljus die la... haiz.. looking at the amount of things i need to do...

can i skip everything and do my project?? :X haiz.. this is bad.. and i need rest... lolx.. o well today's fren's b day... celebrate... lolx... but u noe wad.. i need to keep a look out of my cash flow.. it is going faster and faster.. worst than a tap... haiz... this is bad really... haiz..

o well today nothing much at 7.30pm i took a bus to sch.. wad u think sure late for lesson de lor.. ya and so happen i stp in on laptop a while is quiz..i haven even study a it la.. no choice look at my fren's slides and then like tt lor.. once through.. c how well i'll fair.. haiz.. i think it'll be of the worst grades ever... haiz.. there goes..

i wan a crumpler... i dun care.. but i need to get one tt i dun c it so common around.. o ya i did not get my allowance from my mum.. OMG.. -.- haiz.. totally forgot.. anyway wanna get from her is also very difficult lor... she this person.. but ok la.. with my mum i always need to remind myself how u wan her to treat u is how u should treat her.. so yup.. :D

hmmm i wan i wan i wan.. everything i wan.. when will be a day where i'll get everything i need..i think i seriously need to take a break from my so stressful life... 25th nov 9th dec performances.. haiz.. i very fears for 9th dec performance... haiz... i seriously need lots and lots of practice... having the whole concert weighing on ur shoulders... it is a not so good feeling u noe... i very scared PnC will repeat itself.. whihc i dun wan it to happen... it is bad really... haiz.. i dunnoe if i made the rite choice to begin with...

o well... i actually think performance is so cool.. show case ur talents.. as if i have.. i think performance is cool... performing to audience hu will wanna hear is something very cool.. the passion for performing... but again.. i need time to practice i need time to prepare.. tts the problem... i'm so un-talented... so much so tt i m dying here coz of being too fully packed.. haiz...

i seriously still wondering... if something is as easy as forgetting time... but again... do i wanna forget... will i forget?? these are things so bad tt i need to c again... haiz... so much stress.. so little sleep i need to sleep more... and ya so sian now.. frens taking so long.. haiz... :(

The Purity of Music

Green Beans On Face??

ya.. i had green beans on my face... and u noe wad it harden... thanx to my mum... ok..

well... yesterday went to UCC... did afew things... ya the person tok i listen... so boring... and so stressful the more she tok the more things to add... o gosh... but if u filter like me... things are much simpler... :X

after tt coz it is raining... so cool..and run in the rain... lolx.. after so long... i haven done tt... so interesting... if jus reminds me of the carefree life we should be in... haiz... nvm...

went to jurong point... walk around.. as usual.. for me it is like so boring... and u noe wad.. went to aracade.. lolx.. fun tts all i can say...

anyway i think i getting more sl these days.. OMG... haiz... sorry frens... need ur shoulders... i need somemore time... i dunnoe if i have tt much...

ok back to sch work... i have got 3 reports to hand up.. like duh! sian lor...

ok jus now... woke up late la.. then went out in a rush... for the band practice.. haiz.. sian.. my sight reading is bad.. and one thing the music sounds so weird... ali-baba... -.- OMG.. nvm.. tried my best.. so wad can i say.. haiz... but so many oboe solos.. :S i very scared cocked-up like PnC... already 5 pieces having such problem..... -.-

then rush to city hall... st. andrew's cat for lalala... lolx.. then ya lor.. ok la. not tt bad actually.. nice.. then went P.S for dinner... ya i got no $$$ for this week and next week i think i left 10... OMG.. i need to loose some weight.. haiz.. time to.. coz no $$$ to eat... haiz..

then ya... after sometime of slacking... then went home... tok a bus.. so sorry to throw my fren there watching the movie... lolx... while i'm sleeping.. :X ya reach home and put tt green beans... lolx.. now gonna sleep.... ok la. i think tt green beans remove the first lay of skin.. those dead ones... and also suppose help to detoxify.. -.- according to my mum.. so well.. lets jus c wad happens... should not be a prob lor.. coz it is natural product.. lolx..

ok.. seriously i can't get over it... if u even knew... my fren saw at last... but dunnoe... u jus made me so freaking blur... haiz.. this is bad really.. :(

The Purity of Music

wad m i doing

well i dunnoe... these days i think i'm so off... not me really... i dunnoe... jus like things dun seems the same anymore... tts for me...

u noe u wan something badly.... but yet u cannot get it... wad's more... it is like so near yet so far kind of thing so ironic...

damn so busy... went to clear some UCC stuff.. and tml got extra practce at st andrew's church i think... haiz... -.- i'm so busy... y... i sometimes hate this really... but again when i'm not busy... i'm like y so sian... haiz.. wth... dun even have time for myself...

anyway went to jurong point then yup walk around saw a few frens... lolx.. ok went to arcard(did i spell correctly??) yup.. these days i'm so not myself... haiz.. nvm...

brought my frens to another fren's place while i go home lor.. yup.. had fun at her place... ok la.. nothing much jus eat... chit chat lor.. tts all.. haiz.. boring.. but nvm... ya gotta say sorry made them run.. lolx... for nothing....

then went home bathe and slept... haiz.. so pig.. no choice...

The Purity of Music

wad a day...

i dunnoe today's a day i experience roller coaster... lolx... how cool can it be??

first morning... very this feeling of not getting out of bed.. but my body alarm clock woke me up... if not i would have slept through... coz i did not set my alarm clock.. lolx.. had a good sleep tts y...

then morning scolded for waking up late.. -.- and u noe wad... scold me for taking train to sch like.. duh... nvm... so went to sch... did not tok unless necessary.. later my frens love to say u do things very unnecessary... so well i jus be like wad they love me to be.. and of coz... it is a no joke kind of mood... so was jus toking abt getting a bag... wad colour should it be... and the most unnecessary sentence... wa rich hor.. everytime no money now wanna buy a crumpler... i was like wth... i'm asking colour not asking for ur comments on should i buy... well after tt jus had a big but short quarrel... like was it my fault? nope... and u scolded me for throwing my bad mood on u?? u gotta be joking really... u hu make the whole class suan ppl.. u hu make every other teacher try to stay away from out class... and now u scold me??? argh... wadever.. i cannot be bothered...

the other day i think was last week.. i ask the teacher do u wanna join us for lunch?? his reply... i think better not later i'm being targeted at.. i was like huh ok... so u c.. nvm.. like i say dun bother...

break had the most sinful meal.. chicken rice.. so oily.. OMG... my whole hand so freaking oily la.. coz the aunties and uncles hu pack the food have oily hands... so no choice... broke my vow not to eat tt stall's chicken rice.. y coz always give wrong order. and surprisingly today i got the rite order... -.-

went to slack... i was watch anime there.. lolx.. howl's moving castle.. OMG so cool.. nvm... and my frens were like sleeping there... haha... and half way need to go lecture.. so stop lor. no choice.. lecture ended early so continue again... after the last lecture of the week went to club hse watch again...

i dunnoe wad i did and doing is rite... jus i think i should keep away from u as much as possible... concentrate on wad i need to do... and give up... ok i think i give up on myself... really... if i were not around wad will u act like?? same if i were to be around same... so y should i bother? coz u dun even bother at all? y should i give u so so much attention when i dun even get anything in return? i think i should learn to be selfish... i thinki should learn to be hu i wan to be wad i wan to be and not stuck in nowhere... actually u noe wad i forgot wad's my real self... how have i been be4 all this... i seriously need to give myself a break... break from everything break from my current world for a while... think back hu waas i be4... hu i wanna be... and i wan to be myself... i duunoe it seems tt i always change myself... to something like i dunnoe...

if howl's moving castle is really true.. and real... i would be someone powerful... now i need to find time to adore myself... really...

had short practice... like actually no mood to sing... after all these tt's happening... i dunnoe they will be toking behind my back... and it will be like say till i'm in a wrong??? but they never thought tt hu was so totally wrong in the first place.. and i think i jus so sad after this.. i need quite a bit of time to recover... really... and i mean lots...

after this i think the few concerts that are coming in a mths time will be kind of bad i guess... hu cares... i think life still goes on... this is life sadly... u gotta learn Jasper...

went town after practice... and then went to look at crumpler... i cannot get a big bag.. coz it looks so ugly.. so i plan to get a small one.. tts like 159 i guess... dun remember.. but ya around there la... and colour.. hmm still thinking... guess i should have looked in the mirror... nvm lor.. monday go again i guess... then look in the mirror with another colour.. lolx... yup... when can i buy tt bag?? haiz... faster... i wan a bag replacement... lolx...

ya then slacking in town.. so jealous lor... abt my 2 frens still can there quarrel... haiz.. unlike me.. they should feel lucky... lolx.. thought i missed the last train.. but still caught it in time.. how i wish i live close to town.. everyday can go down... go home also easy... haiz... not like a journey of like 1 hr to reach home.. haiz.. wad to do..

anyway thanx my frens hu made my day rather my evening.. lolx.. guess i got more to learn more to look at.. lolx..

i'll need to learn.. learn to be strong... strong in my heart my mind keep myself in tempo... tempo of the current world... not world of my own... there are lots to do lots to complete... lots more to get exposed to... hu cares wad others say jus be hu u wan to be... this would be the best... =) i need to forget u... when u like seems to be attached.. and saying no? i dunnoe jus some indicators say u are... if i'm wrong then i have nothing to say already... but now i mustn't care... i got lots to complete... lots to do... till the end of the year... stay happy...

The Purity of Music

Laptop

bringing a laptop to sch is good... reason i can blog down my thoughts anytime...

now i seriously damn sad la.. being PS-ed by all my grp mates.. and me sitting here alone doing the project... this is so irritating... actually wanted to treat ppl lunch.. so FORGET IT!!!

i was stupid all along... to have this kind of foolish thoughts... and indeed... i should say i'm a stupid person afterall... no common sense? like wad ppl say u should not have existed in the world... haiz..

now i'm sitting here hopeing someone will come do the project.. but guess not.. looking at the time.. 1pm lesson... and now left 45 minutes or so... can do wad?

the more i sit here the angrier i get... sadder i get too... maybe i jus need a break... maybe i jus need to part from my world close myself somewhere where ppl cannot get me cannot contact me... i wish time stops and i would stop at this moment...

sometimes it jus spoils ppl's day... this is not helping at all... seriously... i hate this... guess no one ask me to like is in the first place... well.. i dunnoe wad to say.. but i'm not feeling well at all... under stress.... from all areas in life?

guess i'll just need to get more frens... hang out more... forget everything... forget myself... how difficult it is to trying to cheer ppl... by making a fool of urself... how difficult it is to make a fool of urself when u are so stress so troubled so wadever... i think this would be a time of the year i'll never wanna remember yet again... i never wanted to remember anything in the first place...

if time stops and i can turn it back i'll turn it all the way to make me not even born into this world at all... being such an irritant to everyone... be such a disgrace (according to them)... and u noe wad... i think i should jus choose my path wisely... from now on...

The Purity of Music

I Dunnoe

everyone noes this is my favourite phrase... haiz... u noe... i wanted something i doubt i can even get it...

jus something so easy to get yet it is so difficult... u do the guessing then...

anyway so sian.. m i tt easy to pick on?? or izit i jus wanted the attention? i seriously dunnoe...

sometimes it jus made things so difficult for me... frens had problems... i have my own problems... but i cannot do anything to help a fren hu is so much more in need of support... i really felt very sad for her... but all i can do is to do stupid things to stop ppl from getting so emo.. and then i'm called the irritant.. nvm... but thinking of it... i cannot help but feel sad... how much pride it takes for a leo to cry u noe?? u dun... i dun like ppl around me to be always sad or unhappy... gotta think of something...

besides tt i drew up my own timetable... excluded NP band and i'm so freaking busy... haiz.... sometimes i really wished i joined other ccas too.... but again... i think if i had joined other ccas i would not meet a few impt ppl... blasted at some ppl un-wanted-ly... really gotta say sorry... but still i need to keep mysel fhappy...

m i so easy to pick on? i dunnoe really.. y m i always suan-ed? haiz... wadever it is... sometimes i jus busk in the attention given... it is like os un-wanted yet wanted? nvm...

i seriously hope this person noes wad i thinking... coz it seems like either the person noes and act dunnoe or the person noes act wrongly.. or the person noes but jus fail to understand?

i need a breather... i need a 1 mth break or 2 weeks break from anything tts happening around me... but it jus went on like tt... haiz...

i love to be myself yet sometimes i cannot be... coz i dunnoe wad's my real self?? the personality i portriat at home?? i seriously dunnoe...

haiz.. guess i'm tired.. i jus hoping... i get wad i wan... when u believe... haiz...

The Purity of Music

This Impt Person...

i dunnoe but jus impt ppl are meant to be treasured... and that now i dunnoe... somethings u dun do on daily basis...

if i were to leave this world wad will happen to everyone??? i think no one gives a shit... u noe y... they say i'm irritating... they say i'm not worthy of being their fren... (indirectly) so well wad u gonna do... i'm seriously veyr depress yet i'm making myself look so happy.. haiz..

No one noes...

The Purity of Music

ABC stress

stress of tt 3 letters... if u tok abt alphabert then u gotta be joking... they represent the 3 most ever stupid things i join and committed myself into...

nvm... jus had a huge burst of my thoughts... so well... nvm... it's over for now...

ok well.. today's kind of stress thinking abt the kind of time i have.. u gotta be joking.. no time to do project study.. like wtf... need to find time serious.. hate this...

morning was being said and seriously i dunnoe jus felt that the class dun trust me and indeed somehow to a large extend it was true... nvm... let it be... ya and the accumulation starts...

ok well.. like tt lor.. jus maybe today got up from the wrong side of the bed.. wadever... slept be4 maths test... felt a lot better i think.. X: maths test was a horrible paper.. killed totally.. and i really mean killed... -.-

i was like so freaking bored and making os much noisy in lesson.. :X i also dun care much really... hu bothers when no one cares abt me...

ok wadever it is.. now i'm like seriously in tt wadever mood... hu cares... jus let me go... argh...

forget it... no one bothers...

The Purity of Music

idiotic ppl

Dun ask y.. so pissed...

The Purity of Music

Post Concert Stress

y stress.. coz studied.. but actually more than tt... playing for outside band also.. this is the stress.. haiz... in a mth's time.. and 4 to 5 more practices to the concert.. OMG...

ok off topic.. hmmm i dunnoe jus missing and missing... something's jus missing the past few days... :X

anyway now got 3 projects to hand up lor.. one RENG next week... IS: Global cities also next week... and u noe wad. next week is week 5... like wth... so fast... can time go a bit slower?? and last one this wed do the experiment and need to write a full report PBL... hand up i think also a week lor.. -.- OMG...

tmlmaths quiz.. i dun remember still got more quiz to come.. like haiz.. i'm so not prepared...

anyway got the concert recordings... OMG.... it is so bloody awful... haiz... i'm jus so out... -.- haiz... this part tt part not well done... and somehow jus stick out too much... argh... tone wise after the first note is ok... but long notes got intonation problem... and i dunnoe it jus seems so bad when i first heard it.. but when i hear it again... i jus told myself: wad hass past.. has past.. next concert.. soon... not for sch tt is.. and still got another concert be4 tt.. OMG.. i'm so busy again... regret...

haiz... i seriously dunnoe wad i'm suppose to do now...

maybe tml i'm thinking of wearing red or blue or black or white... i dunnoe too... how? so many things to do so little time and i'm here blogging to let out a bit of stress.. :X

and u noe wad i slept the whole afternoon.. lolx... ok NO MORE REST!!! need to work already... haiz.. so many unsettled stuff... i think my mum will be getting to to go indonesia (did i spel correctly?) in dec.. like duh... i have common test.. and there is christmas and new year... and the concert.. so u c... the concert will take the first week... -.- and i need to study... 2nd week is common test... :X like OMG... and 3rd week is holiday but might be going overseas as stated above.. and 4th week is christmas and my sis's b day and then new year.. so packed... and next year dun seems better... haiz... ok lets not tok abt my timetable so much.. i'm geting bored abt it myself.. getting myself into so many useless stuff... plus OMG.. 3rd dec the marathon.. -.- ZzZz..

ok now next topic... i seriously dunnoe wad i doing... and this jus give me unnecessary daydreaming... :S i think my head's going to burst already... so many things to think abt... haiz.. guess hu can help... only U

The Purity of Music

Concert!!!

suppose to consider it a success... but i think i screwed some parts... as usual... some obvious parts... :X

o well... yesterday was jus like any other normal day.. jus need to get extra attire etc... nothing much lor... played for reharsal it was ok... danza.. went out of time a bit.. but suppose mr tan gave me a bit of leeway saying it seems to be a bit more freely expressed... so yup... Lord of the Dance the fearful part seems to be bad to me... but some ppl say it's ok.. but i think i went super sharp... ZzZz...

ok wait it is reharsal.. ya did the last minute brush up.. not too bad really... ok at least it seems ok... :X

had dinner... then went to wash my face make my hair... wasn't too bad afterall... then yup.. some thing happened.. and =) so well no stress or anything... :X but actually kind of stress la... tt i cannot play well.. :X but still things turn out well...

saw quite a few ppl...
mum sis aunt
sec sch frens; wei jie, kai xin, eugene, meng yong
CASSC President and his other half; alison and dawn
CASSC Choir President and co. Joel, Elmer, Alisa, Jon, Jamie, Zhong Ze
Band Fren; Casper, Nick, sara, Xian Yong, Ben, Weihan, ming wei

thanx Casper for small flower... i still wanna noe hu's tt gal he's with.. lolx.. thanx chun fei for her ice cream, cindy for her choco, Jasper for his herseys, ming wei got his M&Ms. lolx.. well.. hmmm hope i dun miss out any...

well i dunnoe the experience is great! really... first, u dun get very well with the hall... but as u play along u tend to get soaked into the hall blend with others and the hall... and of coz it is a stage to showcase ur talent.. but again.. i have no talent... haiz... so well... things went well... lolx...

a day to remember... but a day without taking a picture.. i went off from VCH... to prevent those sessions in sch.. ya... heard ppl cried... well.. it has always happen... maybe next rondeau i'll be going back to sch... :S

well gotta thank the conductor for his praise in the intermission for the solo... ya and made me so nervous for lord of the dance... walk in then wispher oboe got solo... -.- like -.- lolx.. ok la.. nice experience... everytime give those lame looks.. haha.. but conduct with expression on his face... happy sad etc... lolx.. ok la...lucky thing i chose the rite reed for the rite pieces... jus receive the new reed on thursday... even till reharsal still testing on wad reed to use.. :X well things went well.. lets put it in my memory of nice happy thoughts...

gotta thanx someone more than anyone else... though this person jus did a small act... u noe hu u are... :) the concert might not be a success without U.. i guess... :X love U

The Purity of Music

Stress...

Pre concert stress it making me having a nervous breakdown!!!! argh!!! but i jus hope jus hope things will go well... no matter wad.. my only worry.. haiz.. stress... OMG... i need to sleep early... and i really do.. headache.. :X

will it be a surprise or will it be a norm... we'll c tml...

but wadever it is i jus hope i'll receive a message... pls pls let's pray...

may the force be with me... rather may ur moral support be with me... haiz...

The Purity of Music

Champions Stand High, All

u noe i need to push myself nw.. so hard so so hard.. tt i'm lack of sleep... due to 1 BAND... 2 PBL... 3 RENG project... haiz.. i still need to push myself more... Band will end this sat.. yes i'm so glad abt it.. but u noe wad... i need to put up a good show... a show like never be4 be4 i can rest.... tts for the Np band...

PBL.. at last done the slides and presenting next week... and guess wad... i think the teacher getting irritated by me.. OPPS... not on purpose tt i wan it this way.. haiz... 3 Reng project... tts y now i'm in library... trying to find something which i so totally cannot find!.. haiz... next wed need to hand up the project... haiz.. and the "plantation" is like at week 8... OMG... headache.. HELP!

ok tts abt all tt i'm going to say abt my life jus after this sat. i got outside band to prepare for their concert... haiz...

anyway.. jus some ppl matter more than others.. i dunnoe seriously.. i need to know wad u think... but again... i'm so stupid... nvm... lucky i did not disclose this blog to a lot of ppl... lots of things here ppl dunnoe.. woot... ok nvm... i'm so so so affected by this now... or m i not... but wadever it is.. i jus need encouragement for this concert... and the coming one in abt 1 mth's time...

if u would really like to encrouage.. kindly put forward ur donations.. lolx.. -.- nvm.. lame.. haha...anyway i really hope hope and pray... haiz...

The Purity of Music