Buffet

Well, out of 14 ppl 13 came 12 ate. ya. tt 1 disappeared as usual. sian.

ok so ate at pariss. Freaking full la! then was pulled to bowl! OMG in such full stomach plus long nails. =S it broke. but good thing no blood clot under the nails. aiya it was a washing the drain session. Throw face.

then went for movie. L. interesting. i should say maybe it is my type of movie ba. interesting to have such stories.

after the movie was no where to go so walk around lor then wanted to go New Asia Bar but decided to settle in starbucks. sat there abt 3 hrs think. =S tcss. some irritates so lets not bother.

then went back saw my fren and his frens so ya got so noe someone new again. lolx. interestingly. another fren msged saying if u bored can msg me. i'm so touched.

now have got lots of things to do. :S i'm trying not to think much. but it seems difficult.

maybe i had the answer. lets jus keep to myself.

i dunnoe i need some more to improve my life. summore summore. but wad or hu can give?

The Purity of Music

Sunday

ok seriously i think it is a sad day la. coz at hm really do nth! =S so was at home mo-ing sth to do then wash my 2 complete sets of bedsheets.

I'm very happy with the new setting of my rm. really space max out liao la.! damn nice la. to me gotta find new things to put in like mirror? lolx. wine cellar even better but think too far la. lolx.

ok went to make tt horrible face of mine and it is still horrible. but u noe wad at last felt so relieved. and went jp for dinner with younger sister's frens. walk around and all in the end i ate sub.

haiz. now's a test. a test on wad choices u take will be correct. i dunnoe jus days without tt sth extra seems super weird. Friday i wanted to but i dunnoe maybe there is sth i'm lacking now.

i'm living life like everyday's a stress free day (in fact it is true). no worries from anything ok execpt $$ lolx. must find $$ to spend. gotta help generate this economy liao la. the market seems bad. =(

the need and the want u can diff?

o how lonely... (when all ur sisters have things to do) ok besides tt la.

i wonder hu still reads this. =X

The Purity of Music

it ended

yes ended. everything gone. all my almost 3 years of effort in paving my future is gone. the result lies in next mth. and hopefully can grad. and with gd grades.

well i'll misss a lot of ppl.

i think i'll write my speech some time soon. now too long cannot.

then i shifted my stuff in my rm tdy. thus new setting haven't slept on it yet. lolx. of coz lots of cleaning done too. CNY no time to clean lor so anyhow. i still love my sound system.

went to town for dinner. like dinner was sub and ate it while i'm walking? so ya tts dinner did some shopping but didn;t manage to buy anything first no money 2nd nothing nice yet lor or too ex. haha.

ok lets jus stop here for now gonna slp. =D

The Purity of Music

TDY's the Day

The day where i was so waiting for when i was year 1 but the day i so not look forward to when i'm in year 3. may this day be one tt i can pwn tt paper. ytd was owned man. haiz.

I wish i can forget the existence of today. 22nd feb. it'll be a sad day for me. really sad. as it marks a next life. ok i haven study for the paper y m i writing all these emo stuff. argh! study time paper's at 2

every family has their own problems i guess i'm no execption.

So much so for loving to drama, but i dun like drama in my life. how ironic. i'll learn to be strong. very strong. but i'm now very weak.

I think i jus need company. Gd guy frens hu's jus as outgoing as i m. great gal frens hu can treat me like so gd fren. argh! fine maybe i tok too much.

There's the need to uncomplicate the complicated stuff.

Bleeding love nice name doesn't suit the song. o man. sad. i still think the song so close still describes.

*random* i've always ask my mp3 for a lot of things and it conveys the msg across with the mp3 i stored inside. And i think it is somehow correct to so hugh extent la. i'm crazy but i think this is the world's best MP3 - IPod shuffle! (3 years and counting)

Ok. One day from pirates of the caribbean is another song i think all my frens (classmates) should take some time to listen. o well off now.

The Purity of Music

I'm very sad now

Under lots of stress. lets not talk abt them. i'll manage them one by one now! first up exams.

but seriously i love dramas but i never liked drama in my life. get wad i mean? dun then i dunnoe wad to say.

i dunnoe if i should feel sad or angry now coz i'm being locked at home suppose 6am going off 6am when i'm done no one's around already? -.-

O well time to study. yes study. and forget everything.

The Purity of Music

I think this is really true now!!! =(

You are feeling really miserable at this time and you'd like to form a relationship with someone with whom you could really communicate. At the same time, whoever it may be, that special 'someone' must not conflict with your own belief system or ideals. This makes for tough going - but it would seem that the situation is only transitory. It will soon pass.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

The Purity of Music

V Day

Slack at home the whole day. didn't even study la shit.

If i fail tml's paper i really deserve it man! F***

Now start to worry for wad sia. stupid person. haiz. i'm talking abt myself!

wad a day. so far! days are short. i'm sad.

The Purity of Music

Happy V Day?

nah no V to celebrate with also. so sian.

o well Happy V Day to all loving couples. It is just another normal day to spend with ur dearest. =)

O well So close. still so close. =(

The Purity of Music

So Close (if u have to listen)

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

The Purity of Music

I'm Tired

Actually i have got lots of things to blog abt. but i jus cannot remember wad i was reflecting to myself just now.

I've sometimes really felt that after my 3 years of poly, now nearing the end, i've gained nothing much execpt tt dip (hopefully) other than tt wad have i got?

I wonder myself wad m i doing these days.

i think the song best describe my feelings now would be this. sorry tt it will be noisy. but really a song i'm listening to tt makes me really sad. so close... haiz.

I dunnoe m i destroying myself these days? or m i doing something stupid yet again? or m i such a dumb person to hold on to something that is suppose not worth?

ok let me save some tears... the song is.. nvm. unless u are in the situation if not u'll never understand how i'm feeling now! the sad-ness the loneliness the emptiness is unexplainable.

I'm sometimes getting tired of studying but i still need to study! i'm learning to be strong but i think i'm failing. or maybe i'm jus tired of this time is my life tt i wish my brain freezes so i can jus concentrate on studying. studying so hard that the other emo world is somewhere hidden not seen or heard. but u think it is possible? this Jasper is incapable of everything u can think of.

always making himself look so stupid. i dun wanna become tt super cold guy.

i should have exercised today. such a perfect day for it but i chose to sleep through the day? how dumb of me. see i'm dumb.

ok lets not continue this stupid entry. coz i dun see a point in writing all this stuff when it is only secondary. the primary source is leading to everything above. -.- But seriously i wonder hu reads this stupid person's entries. All the quiet ppl i guess

The Purity of Music

I had enough

i officially cannot stand it anymore. So many things happening around me! i cannot take it emotions running all over! argh! i need to compose myself in front of everyone. Ppl say till i'm such a slut! F*** Do i even look like one! wth!

well tis CNY is ok to me nothing special. coz i haven even got my hair cut, my new year's clothes? haiz. a CNY tt's like jus another day i see my relatives and visiting and all. nothing special at all. so much so tt i slept so much tdy. send ppl off at the airport. haiz. sad. there goes another fren.

i guess i'll be quiet for the next mths be4 i go NS after exams. i need to do some reforming. change on all aspects of myself. i'm not getting anywhere i guess. so much for being sociable. wad a joke!

So close! but i failed. :'( i failed in everything i wanna achieve. i've gained nothing out of all these days and years.

lets jus put one side tt i say i need to change. i guess it is an attitude tt i cannot change. it depends on how well u can understand me. nvm. no one does anyway.

I'm just tt lonely child! hu's always idiotic irritating bimbo-tic stupid fat ugly auntie-fied child tt nobody wants. i dunnoe wad this feeling is. i cannot comprehen this feeling myself. pls enlighten me then. wad's the best word for this emotion tt's running through? to me it is jus depression period, sad and all other negative feelings plus one more love-fall-out? F*** it.

i need to learn to treasure myself more. since others have this stupid thought of theirs and they jus judge ppl like tt. well i'll drink till i'm drank, dance till i fall, hopefully dead in 10 days after exams. how interesting of me to have such a thought. but seriously i should not have live in this planet in the first place. wad's the purpose of me here? pls dun tell me there's some god or divine-beings up there tt will guide u. it all comes in the heart. in our own hearts.

my heart's dying. dying horribly. if i jus part from this world, i'll wanna return as a free being see how everyone around me reacts. doubt there will be anything gd being said abt me.

The Purity of Music

Happy CNY

This CNY i wish for 3 things. Luck, Sleep & Wealth! for the 15 days only of coz for the year i wish for Luck Health and Wealth! :P i'm very tired now really i need lots of sleep! I jus hope the world goes by without me for the next few weeks. but it's not possible time and tide wait for no man!.

I guess i might be blocked! as usual. but again maybe i think too much or jus maybe i wasn't blocked at all. but again hu really bothers.

This CNY is never happy to me i guess. it's jus another day of meeting ppl tts all!

The Purity of Music

I DUNNOE!

i'm very blur now very. i'm telling myself all will end in few weeks time. yes few weeks. and how i wish that today was 22nd feb. I'm feeling so down now!

i dun wanna say much but at least i noe there are ppl i can talk to!! haiz. i'm tired i'm so confuse too. i also wan it to be as simple as abc but it's not happening!! =(

i've said enough! tired. i really hoped today never happen!

I and I alone have to understand things i can never understand! =( Enlighten by myself and only myself.

I and I alone..

I seriously dun wan to know and i dun wish to know the reason. coz i dun need to know. it should not have been bought. and it should have been in the dust bin! I dun wan to know y. coz it's not the time to talk and the ans u gave others dun understand but i do. but how much i'm in i dunnoe. if u even read this i dunnoe wad should i say. but i jus need wad i need do wad i need to do.

A promise i made to myself when i get a silver. i've done one but not the other! it is a promise that can never be fulfilled.

I fail to understand, to comprehen, to acknowledge this issue. coz i'm still shaking my head from all possible distractions. All distractions to end my last lap in poly!

The Purity of Music

Ok

I'm quite sad these days coz i'm very lost! lost in time and this very weird situation i'm in!!! :( I'm thinking a lot. A lot of stuff.

I need to let out a lot of stuff. I went tocheck my napha results I WANNA RETEST! 2 stations. Pull-ups SBJ & S&R. SHIT IT MAN! I can Pull I can Jump and I can Reach! Y tt day i can't!?!?! =( Ok damage is done! Find solutions.

Now next thing i must faster pass driving! but looking at it i haven even started with basic theory? -.-

Y so fast get the letter!!! =( haiz. i really dunnoe wad to say! How to say. So i decided not to say. I'm very very troubled! so troubled that i can't concentrate on studying!!! exams are close i need time offs. I felt tired of the world. I feel so lonely. This loneliness is like i'm so distant from the world. My world's about to end soon. it'll jus wrap up and implode. I guess i can't face the truth! The Truth!

I need time to sort out more of my thoughts. think less and study! I really hope i'll never wan to cry again!!! but i dunnoe if i can do it.

Sometimes i wish that i'm a bird flying all so high so far but in a limited space! i'm not really in a cage. I have this wad if inside me. the wad if question is making me all sad. Actually i think i already got an answer. But still i think it is too complicated. I dunnoe. I really dunnoe. I fear the worst possible but i fear the most possible. i fear everything. this is the point in time i'm feeling so unstable. so much so for me being someone hu's very fun and happy all the time... but there are times ppl dun see that i'm all down and lonely + emo-ing.

i guess i shouldn't have drank so much. I'm not drunk but just very high. well it is highin a bad way when you are not in a good mood u noe wad i mean? just drink and forget. yes i'm doing that these days which i seriously noe it is very bad for body and BRAINS! I cannot face my life after the 22nd feb. coz all my frens are not like be4 anymore!! :( I dunnoe how much i mean to them all. I will just noe that i'm tt lonely soul wandering around. trying to find a small space in the world that i feel lots of comfort in (my room).

I dunnoe y i talk so much coz all are not in order and super messy. guess no single one soul understands this feeling now also.

The Purity of Music